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Sunday, 13 April 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014

My crashed marriage,the true story - Femi Kuti.

Afrobeat king, Femi Kuti, has once again opened up on his crashed marriage. The musician, who is currently in Paris, France where he is due to perform at the biggest African music festival in Europe, went down memory lane and recalled how he met and married Funke, his ex-wife and mother of his first son, Made. Read the interview granted exclusively to Sunday Sun below...

Because of Made, maybe you and
Funke see to talk about common
things but we are shocked to see her
sitting next to you at 'Femi Segun's
burial?
She is the mother of my child and we are
very friendly, we even call each other. At
least, what I manage to do is not to let the
breakup affect Made first of all, and our
relationship. Human beings must fight.
There must be misunderstanding
sometimes. It is now left to us if we are
matured enough to overcome these
problems. To some people, breakup is so
bitter that they end up hating each other. I
manage to take my hatred and throw it
away, and still respect her as a human
being and the mother of my son, and most
importantly for the love of my son who
needs his mother. Continue...
If she too understands that he needs his father
then we must get rid of our misunderstanding.
He was the one at the church who said 'please
sit beside my mother'; I had to oblige him. I
could have refused because I went with my
girlfriend, so I told my girlfriend not to be
annoyed and she understood.
Does it mean you and Funke may come
back as husband and wife?
I doubt it. But you never know. You never know
what God has in plan for you. What if you say
never and something just happens? If they told
me she would leave my house one day, I would
have said it is impossible. So, if she comes back
one day, you never know what can happen. One
sickness can hook you down and she might be
the person by your bedside, what would
happen? I don't pray for it but you never know
what God has in plan for you. So, I am not the
one that tempts fate. Right now, I am content, I
am happy, we are friendly and my children are
also happy.
Tell me your greatest memory of Funke?
Are you trying to bring us back because this
question is mischievous (laughs). There are
many great memories of her. I can't say one or
two because it is not possible to throw 10 years
away. There are great, good and bad memories.
All are memories.
How did you meet Funke?
I met her at a restaurant where I was playing
jazz, at a place called '44' in Ikoyi. She came
with my cousin, Funmi Ransome-Kuti, they were
in UNILAG together. She was so beautiful and
she was looking at me, so I knew she likes me.
So, I told my cousin to introduce me to her.
That's how we met.
How did you eventually propose to her?
I didn't propose; one day, I just told her that
'from today, we are boyfriend and girlfriend'.
She said, 'ha ha, what kind of love is this?' I said,
'when we have been calling ourselves everyday,
are we misleading ourselves? And it was on a
Christmas Eve. I said to her 'from today you are
my girlfriend, if you have a boyfriend, get rid of
him now because I must not see him when I get
to your house' and she laughed. That was how
we started.
I am sure you don't want to pull that off
your mind so soon?
It is off. Like I said, I have a new life. I am staying
with two of the mothers of my children; we all
stay in the same house. I have a very good
family. They are content, but they respect
Funke. If Funke comes, they will excuse us. They
are very respectful of her. Don't forget we are in
Africa; this is the way we grew up, so if she
comes around they give her the respect. If I go
to the church and she is there, if I say 'please I
have to sit with her', they will accord her the
respect. And I am sure she has her life. Can we
ever get together? I can never say no, because
something can happen that may be for good or
bad and we'll be together again.
Never say never! If you ask if I am happy right
now, I am very happy not just with my
relationship, I am also very happy with my
children who are progressing, which is really my
priority. At 52, I have experienced a lot. If I die
today, I cannot complain in heaven that I did not
enjoy my life. My biggest challenge is to ensure
my children have a good life. I want the children
to grow up very stable and that requires a lot of
sacrifice on my part. I cannot use my selfish,
jealous or whatever interest to disrupt their
future, which is the same attitude I have with
Made. He is doing very well. He is playing piano
well. And probably if I use his mother's problem
as an obstacle in his life, it might just be
worrying him. And you never know why children
have psychological problems, but it is the
parents' duty to always protect their children.
'Nobody send us message; we slept with each
other, we born pikin, you now want to give the
pikin problem .' I don't indulge in that. Since
there is a child involved, I try my best to keep
my reservations to myself by just facing the
truth.
You don't believe in monogamy?
Yes. I grew up in a polygamous home. I grew up
wanting to be like my father. I grew up wanting
to have many women; that was my training. I
will not tell you it is right or wrong. You see my
son, he believes in monogamy. He has one
girlfriend that he has been following for many
years, and they want to get married. I don't pray
for them to breakup. If they want to even get
married in the church, I will not stop him.
Whatever he wants to do I will not use my own
life to rule, direct or control my children. They
must have the liberty to choose because if they
fail or succeed, they have to understand it is
their life. I can always be a good father. I will
have to teach them how to take good decisions
because I love them.
I am not going to discourage my son by saying
'what if she breaks your heart, so get ready for
heartbreak', because I don't pray for it. I can
only support him. If he is successful and even if
he breaks up with this girl, he might still go for
another person. But for whatever reason, this is
the life he has chosen for himself and I love it
that he is happy. Because of the way I was
brought up, there is no way I can be faithful to a
woman. I will not even try it. I wasn't trained to
do so. I didn't grow up with that attitude. I grew
up in the real house of Kalakuta where there
were women and I loved it. So, I wanted the
same thing for myself. Now, I don't have the life
of Kalakuta but I know that I can't leave that
dream and say I want to be faithful to one
woman. I will rather be by myself; truth, I love
my freedom. I don't love the part that I owe
anybody anything. Even the people with me
know that I love my freedom. I like to sleep when
I want to sleep, if I want to go out I love to enter
my car and go on my own; I love my
independence. I was brought up with total
independence.
Did you give Funke a ring, that 'with this I
thee wed'?
No, she bought the ring.
And you put it in her finger?
Yes, in the registry.
That makes you a monogamist so you
cannot marry another wife under the
Nigerian law?
I am not a monogamist because we are
divorced.
It looks like you sacrificed all when Funke
was with you?
No, I didn't. When we got married she was
pregnant and I knew it was a boy. I didn't know
how I knew but I just knew. I told her 'we will
get married, but I will never be faithful to you'.
She knew one of my dancers then was my
girlfriend. I have been dating her long before I
met Funke.. Funke's mother and I are not good
friends. When she (Funke's mother) came back
into her life, we started having problems. I don't
know if that is part of the problem or if it is
Funke who is bored with the marriage or her
friends were talking to her, whatever the reason,
I tried my best to bring her back. I tried to even
change my ways. Many things went on, those
that are close to me know that I went out of my
way, when I saw that I was wasting too much
energy, I had to relax. Funke and I didn't talk for
a long time. It took us years to understand that
there is a son in our midst. I didn't want to open
the can of worms because we have settled all
these. It is something that we have left behind. I
have forgiven her and I will not tell you that I
was totally right, but was I sincere in my
marriage? Yes be rest assured that I was. I
wasn't doing anything that she wasn't warned of
before. That I won't have girlfriends? She knew
that I was a very humble polygamist. I tried to
be as discreet as possible but you know the
more you are getting popular, the more people
are taking your tales to your wife. She might find
condoms in my car that I forgot to hide very
well, who knows?
Why then did people blame your sister,
Yeni, all this while…?
I will never reveal to you why our marriage broke up, but YK (Yeni) definitely was never part of it. YK and I even fought because she advised Funke to take Made along with her, and I said if she takes Made I am in trouble, because I love made and I want him to be with me. All my life was circled around Made, so if Funke had gone with Made maybe I would have committed suicide, because everything in my life in that marriage was based on Made.
I saw Made as my inheritor; I saw him as the next Anikulapo to take the music to another level. So, my investment emotionally, financially, everything was stationed on Made. If Funke had left with Made, I didn't have another child, and a politician had already threatened me that what if Made dies? So, I thought that was a threat from the government saying they will kill Made. I was very protective of Made, which was another reason I decided to have other children. What if I lose Made? What will I do? If you check the Anikulapo and Ransome-Kuti families, there are not many boys; everybody is just having girls. So, the only inheritor of the Kuti dynasty was Made. My cousin in America had a girl, Yeni had a girl, others also had girls, and Made was the only boy.
I thought of protecting him or else the
Anikulapo-Kuti clan will die. Seun also had a girl;
the only person that recently had two boys was
Kunle. He just had his own boys when Made was
already a teenager.
He also opened up about his half brother in
Australia...

We heard your father had a son in the US?
He didn't have a son in the US; it is in Australia.

Have you met him?
Yes.

What is his name?
Couney.

How did he meet you?
I went to play in Sydney and he came to meet
me there. That was about four or five years ago.

Did Fela ever tell you about him or how did
you know?
Fela told us about one woman that probably got
pregnant for him. She told Fela she was
pregnant but she disappeared with the
pregnancy. Fela now came and told us the story.
He (Couney) met my sister on Facebook and told her the same story. And he traced his mother because his mother put him up for adoption, so when he met his mother, she then told him that his father was Fela.

How old is he?
I am a year older than him.

So, he is part of the inheritors of Fela?
Yes, but he doesn't want to be known. He
doesn't want anything, he just wants to meet
us, and case closed.

He answers Kuti too?
Yes.

Are you not inviting him to Nigeria for a
visit?
He will make his decision. He doesn't want much publicity. It was his son who wants to know the family. He has met us, if he wants to go the extra mile that is his business.

What does he do, is he into music?
He is into drawing. I don't know much about
him. We talk once in a year. I went to Australia
early this month and my sister told him I was
there, but he didn't come to meet me because
he was busy. Don't forget that 50 years of our
lives have passed, where do we want to start the friendship. He is a very nice person. He is
probably a Fela's son, we cannot say for sure
except there is a DNA to prove it. And to do that,

would you have to bring Fela from the grave?
But from my perception he looks like Fela.

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